Heroism

Sometimes 

i thought there should be sth in life that makes you go for it 

i went for it  

i tried to find it 

but you were telling me this is not the way 

while my ears were occupied  

with sth that i can not give it a name 

i do not need to say 

that you know 

i could not realize your language 

but this is not all 

suffering 

was there 

suffering is here 

still 

pressing me to the ground 

i do not know how much 

is the price  

that i should pay for  

all you wanted me to learn 

 but i did not 

What do you call it 

i cannot help wondering how it is possible 

what is most playful about it